Dear Bronwyn,
You haven't heard from me before as I've not written here in some months,
but your post moves me to repond.
SO SORRY YOU FEEL HURT. My bottom line message to you is BRAVO for you for
saying so, for getting it out and letting us hear how things are with you.
I'll let other writers respond for themselves, but add my two cents: you're
doing a great job at speaking up, asking for what you need, and saying what
helps and what doesn't. That in itself is a cure for a whole lot more than
cancer.
From my year or so of watching here, I'd say we've got a lot of cheer
leaders on this list. Some are longer on the cheering and shorter on the
empathizing. So let me add: YOU'RE AMAZING, yes, that you have to deal with
so much so soon in your life, that you've seen the horrors of what many
write of here, that you've had to deal with life and death choices and don't
need someone else to tell you that this starkest of choice is in all our
faces, every moment, whether we're aware of it or not. And you've pushed
yourself to put in those long hours trying to find an answer, and then went
against the current all around you, and then mustered all it has taken over
these last six months to get this very exacting thing right (when my three
kids your age can only manage to stay off fries when I'm buying dinner --
actually it's my two sons who eat whatever junk food doesn't eat them first,
tho my daughter, who has had some health conditions, has learn to curb
herself much, if not most of the time).
Now you show up here and since then your clear, shooting-from-the-hip voice
has stirred lots of fresh back and forth we wouldn't've had without you.
Thanks for being here, and may the accumulation of responses be helpful in
answering what you want to know: HOW TO DO THIS BP THING AND HAVE A LIFE.
And meanwhile, may you get some kind, warm and real responses to comfort you
in your hurt.
To get practical, one thing I'd add from personal experience (which you may
know about already, but just in case you don't): coolers come in many sizes,
shapes, and varieties. I have a neat little insulated picnic bag with
shoulder strap. It's just right to hold my small bottle of flax oil and
container of cottage cheese for two helpings (the way I read Budwig the
FO/CC is best mixed freshly each time), along with the frozen pack to keep
everything cool, of course. The container of berries (I prefer glass, rather
than have anything plastic touch my food) fits right in, along with the
stainless steel water bottle (ordered on the internet), to keep filtered
water while I'm away on 8-10 hour days. Cut veggies can fit (wrapped in
parchment paper), and so can the slice of raw milk cheese (also wrapped in
parchment paper) and a small glass cup of buckwheat. And not to forget the
apple and small bag (the one bit of plastic I alllow because nothing else
I've found works as well) of organic, sprouted and low temp dehydrated nuts
(from www.higherpower.biz -- full disclosure, I have absolutely no business
relationship with that outfit. I just like their nuts).
Now, I'm fortunate to have a little balcony with my modest apartment in the
Bronx, with a view East that allows me to sun while I have breakfast, at
least on days when it isn't raining. And I ought to mention the health club
in the subbasement where there is a sauna attached to the gym, so a stint on
the treadmill and stairmaster, with a run through my Tai Chi and a bit of
yoga get followed by a good sweat.
I ought to mention also that it helps to be weaned from TV (but that
happened in college; I got into one of those fancy places up north where I
was so certain they goofed in letting me in that I gave up TV to make sure I
could get my work done -- that was 45 years ago and while I have had my bad
habits that have come and gone along the way, thank the Lord TV hasn't been
one of them).
So how will YOU do it? Not like me, and probably not like anyone else
either. I expect that if anything written here or elsewhere is helpful to
you it will because your already very inventive nature, filled with
initiative and pluck, with have come up with something that suits you
perfectly and off you'll go making one little adjustment at a time, and
before long finding that what was once so daunting has slowly, but steadily,
become less so.
But nothing will change the fact that it sucks to have cancer, let alone at
22. And for all you'll learn and grow, for all the people you have already
inspired and will continue to move, for all the inimaginable "places you'll
go" (pardon the rip off of Dr Seuss), the sucky core will remain. What you
end up doing about that, getting from that, saying about that, well, that's
the Bronwyn story in the writing.
As you can probably tell, I'm doing my best to put myself in Loretta's shoes
and follow your advice to put myself in yours before I let these fingers tap
away. If I've slipped, please forgive me. I listen pretty well live, but
doing it in print is a whole other talent, and I'm not sure how well I'm
doing. But I am pretty sure that you'll let me know, and if I have goofed
you'll give me a chance to apologize and say that I was just meaning to
respond to a very moving, touching woman, whose predicament and unusual
way of dealing with it have called me out of months of silence to say,
"Bless your deal soul."
Artie E
_____
From: Bronwynn
While I am not sure if you intended to come across this way, I have to
inform you that I am deeply hurt by your response to my sensitive and
vulnerable post. I felt it condescending and insensitive to say the least. I
thought the point of having an online support group was so that one can feel
supported. After reading your post, SUPPORTED is the last thing I felt. I
did not ask the group for a lecture on what to and how to appreciate the
fact that I am alive and have found a way to stay that way for as long as I
wish. I am WELL AWARE of what I have come accross in my studies. And for
your information, no, I do
NOT feel lucky to have found the BP. It is my sincere and deep belief that
each of us chooses every single experience we have in our life. So, no, I do
not pity those who have not found this, and do not chalk it up to luck and
just jump around singin' glory glory that I have. I look within and thank
the part of me that was willing to read approximately 20 books and stay on
the onternet till all hours of the night researching so that I could CURE
MYSELF. And I did!!!!! I thank myself. And I thank the God within me. And I
am well aware of how I became ill. How dare you presume to know what this
journey has been like for me and then instruct me to let go of my desire to
want to leave the house. For your information, I was diagnosed a whole year
ago in septmeber and DID do chemo for 6 months, and DID NOT LEAVE THE
COUCH!! So, don't talk to me about what it's like roamin the halls watchin'
bald people throw up. I know all about it. And as far as the comments on my
"maturity" go, you should REALLY think twice before saying such a thing. You
do not know a thing about me. And let's keep it that way! How dare you
question me on my decision to wean myself from negative foods. If I knew
that being open and honest with
this group would lead to being judged and questioned, I never would have
done it. Please don't lecture on "change"., I have changed every single
thing about my life starting the day I got diagnosed. I am very intuitive
and intelligent and you have NO RIGHT to say the
things you did.
I wrote this group because I needed ideas on how to leave the house and
still stay on my diet. I thank all of you who shared with me what you have
done. Loretta, I came to this group because I felt ostracized from society
for my choices to heal my cancer naturally.
And now I would like to formally thank you for making me feel ostracized at
the one place I thought I could let my guard down at! I am utterly surprised
at how compassionless your response was. And the next time you even THINK of
questioning me on ANY of my choices, I suggest you put yourself in MY shoes
for just a second. Think about what it's like to stare death in the face
with a "terminal" diagnosis at the young age of 22! Think about what it
feels like to have to hear people in your family kindly suggest that you
make a Will, "just in case" Think about what it feels like to have to tell
your single mother, as a single child, that her baby has Stage 4 breast
cancer. Just do it, for a second. Pretend your 22 and scared and just found
out you have cancer. Pretend that all you've ever had in your life to rely
on is yourself. How would you feel??? Maybe after placing yourself in MY
shoes, you'd choose to respond to my post a little more neutrally and with
just a smidge of compassion. I asked for ideas on how to store food, not a
lecture from a total stranger on
how I "SHOULD" be living my life !!!!
"Dr. Loretta Lanphier" wrote:
A good thing to remember is that the life that you have been "living" has
put you into the place that you are right now. It takes a complete and total
change in absolutely everything about your life in order to heal from
cancer. Change is difficult and most people resist it like the plague
.......<snip>
