Volunteer work could be a hobby too. It can be satisfying to build something that will last, and you can look back on the time and say you really made a difference.

They won't do that because it's not easy? Because we don't do it ourselves? Because why?

I think that's a pretty big assumption that folks who play games don't *also* do the sort of things you're talking about.

It's not either/or.

Tuck

. And is he old enough to have his own lower shelf in the kitchen that you
can stock with whatever he'll eat? (Plus a few of your own selections, of
course!) It's all about control at that age; take yourself out of the loop
as much as possible.

I think I will do this. He really likes tht he can now open the pantry door
and take out food. I think I will use the bottom shelf for snacks.
Great idea!
Elissa

开云体育

This is a question I decided to send to this list in addition to another
list:
OK, Here is my question (Please be gentle with your answers! LOL)
Once the above (the above was a statement regarding kids that through
tantrums to get what they want in stores and the writer's opinion that it is
due to the parent not being consistant in their responses thereby increasing
the child's tantrum - totally paraphrased) has become a pattern - how does
one change it? How does one set the limit yet still maintain respect and teh
child autonomy? I tend to have good days (respecting their wishes, everyone
cooperating, watching the hunger/anger/lonely/tired thing, modeling behavior
and then all of a sudden I realize that there has been some yelling,
disrespect etc and I'm not sure what got us there.
Also, the eating issue (I really wish S was here to answer this one) My two
year old is down to eating nothing until he gets junk. Would removing it
from the house for a period of time help? Might it give him the space to try
other healthier foods and realize he likes them? I don't want to be a food
controller yet I am starting to become concerned over his eating habits.
Yesterday he ate a bowl of rice crispies with milk and then nothing else! He
is still nursing so that eases my fear somewhat. I have also thought about
not arguing and letting him nurse as much as desired but I am at that
nursing stage where it is starting to get a little irritating physically as
my cycle ebbs and flows (pun intended LOL)
Elissa

I started volunteering at an animal shelter four years ago. A few women
with good intentions got in way over their heads with a no kill shelter.
Before they knew it they had forty five dogs and dozens of cats. I went
there looking for my friend's cat who had vanished.
They had no money except what they could personally contribute.
I felt the only thing I could do was plunge in and help. It cost us a
small fortune. I spent more on that volunteer work than any of us have
ever spent in the pursuit of entertainment.
Not only the money but the commitment of time. My son was with me but
for months on end I never had any time with my husband.
New cats were coming in all the time. People would say, if we didn't
take the cats they'd be killed. So naturally we'd try to make room.
They would have to be quarantined, vaccinated, spayed. Each new cat cost
the shelter (us) a minimum of $100. (that's if they weren't sick ) and
that didn't include food and litter pan, etc.
One of the very committed volunteers left when her husband threatened
divorce over the issue.
Things are better at the shelter after an organized fund raising drive,
sponsors and several grants, but the point is, doing something *real* can
cost plenty. It can tear you up emotionally, threaten a happy home life
and put you in debt. Yes, it can be worth it, but it's not always the
beautiful picture of fulfillment painted by the TV commercials. I have
found a replacement and am taking some time off. Maybe forever. Where's
that chess board...

Deb L, also vegan, HI Makana!!

In a message dated 11/27/01 1:04:01 AM, SandraDodd@... writes:

<< -=-This is way out there, but I feel like people can never get enough of
(be satisfied by) something that isn't really satisfying. -=-

It seems to be the nature of humans to feel unsatisfied, to want something
more, better, different, and new. >>

Satisfaction is having a need met. It can also be lesson learned, job well
done, confirmation of a path taken. It can be the feeling of a moment's
reflection, or an overview. To say that something isn't really satisfying
seems to demand more of the feeling than is necessarily appropriate. To
imply that unless imbued with altruism, the feeling is selfish and of lower
quality.

Nick (my 12 year old) seems to find real satisfaction in playing D&D. Go
figure. What he gets out of it:

He has characters he imbues with characteristics and personality -- he
controls their actions but not their fate. He learns to deal with adversity
and disappointment, to come up with solutions to unexpected challenges. He
experiments with responses which have no real life consequences, in the
company of friends. He gets to make mistakes and try again, without hurting
someone "real". He and his friends play for hours at a time -- they argue
and negotiate, debate the merits of a over b -- these are real skills which
will in future serve them well.

He's also the Dungeon Master (the person who develops the story for a group
of gamers) for a weekly online group. He started this group -- and has
members ranging from 15 to 30 years in age. His ability to plan a quest in
advance, to decide what problems the groups will face, which monsters they
will encounter, what pitfalls will spring up -- amazes and pleases me. I
value his imagination and ability to guide and inspire others.

Childhood is short. I know there's a mindset which says that we denigrate
childhood by assuming it wants no altruism, to make no real difference in the
world. That to imply by allowing children to stay at home or in school,
"wait until you're older to make a real difference" invalidates the child as
a whole and capable person. Eh.

When I was in seventh grade, as a class, we collected money for food,
packaged it up, and drove an hour and a half to a small town, and delivered
food packages to families whose fathers were in jail. I felt both awkward
and self-righteous -- awkward because some families seemed uncomfortable with
us trooping into their house with boxes of food, and self-righteous because
some famiies lived in "nice" houses and how was it they needed this support?
I did a supportive action, without having the perspective to really
understand it. I got the underlying emotions, without awareness of what
their situations really were.

That same year, we spent some time playing with children at a penitentiary,
during visiting hours for families, so husbands and wives could talk without
interruption. There was resentment and hostility swirling around which now,
I can certainly understand. But then, it was confusing and alarming.

There are children who've done amazing things with volunteer efforts. There
are adults as well. But not all adults do. Not all children do. Such is
life.

I want to give my kids time to grow up internally, at their pace, in a
supportive environment geared to who they are. I contribute to causes which
are important to me -- and if my kids decided they wanted to participate in a
cause, I'd support that too. But I'm not going to nudge them into it as
something which they should be doing now, to be real. There are gives and
gets, as in all things.

Sharon

What follows is my opinion, which is all I feel qualified to give :^) It may
not be right for your world, but it works in mine, so I thought I'd share.

Elissa writes:

Also, the eating issue (I really wish S was here to answer this one) My two
year old is down to eating nothing until he gets junk. Would removing it
from the house for a period of time help? Might it give him the space to

try

other healthier foods and realize he likes them? I don't want to be a food
controller yet I am starting to become concerned over his eating habits.
Yesterday he ate a bowl of rice crispies with milk and then nothing else!

He

Congratulations! You have a healthy toddler! Despite our best efforts to
understand them, they can apparently either devour entire houses or live like
birds on the tiniest morsels, or both, on alternating days :^)

First of all, don't worry. If he is healthy otherwise, there is no reason to
fear. He won't starve himself. My mom is a nutritionist, and she assures me
that I didn't grow up dead, despite being a non-eating toddler.

Don't worry about getting that "balanced diet" all in one day -- work it out
over the week, and you'll see he's doing pretty well. Believe me, he could be
doing a lot worse than rice crispies and milk. And if he likes raisin bran,
that's all the better (more iron & fiber)!

As for junk food, rid the house of candy and other empty calories; offer
enriched substitutes. Does he like muffins? Great! Make yours extra-good by
adding in pureed butternut squash or pumpkin or carrots or zucchini to spike
the vitamins. Powdered milk, whole wheat flour, bran, these are also great
add-ins. If you are meat-eaters, powdered milk and shredded veggies added to
meatloaf ups calcium, protein and vitamins. There are recipes floating around
out there for healthy versions of a lot of "forbidden" things (cakes,
cookies, etc.) that are fabulous. Write me if you are looking for something
in particular and can't find it on the web.

(Barring allergies or other food restrictions) apple, orange or pear slices
(etc.) can be dipped in yogurt, (natural) peanut butter or pureed OTHER
fruit. A wonderful playdough can be made from peanut butter, honey and
powdered milk. It's still a sweet, but you can control the level of honey.
French fries can be made from sweet potatoes and baked in the oven! These
have more vitamins and are truly yummy.

Sometimes it's a matter of presentation: toddlers who won't touch carrots or
other veggies when they are whole will sometimes happily wolf them down when
you shred them and make a pile of "hay." Those who won't eat sliced cheese
might be very happy with string cheese. Leaving beans whole and eating them
like french fries can be fun. Dehydrated foods can be fun -- making your own
fruit leather can be something they can help with (stirring and measuring),
and can be a great alternative to candy or commercial "fruit" leather
(although I hear my mom's voice in my head still, "whole fruits are better
than dried or juices")

One of the things I've noticed about my children-as-toddlers is that they are
very charmed by mini versions of anythings, mini-pancakes (which you've
enriched with whole wheat, powdered milk and fruit or pumpkin, etc., and
which my daughter thinks are better than cookies), mini-meatloaves (just
enough for one toddler), mini-casseroles baked in their own little dish
(muffin or custard cups work well for both of the previous), mini-pastas, etc.

When you do try new foods out, do them with a minimum of flourish or pressure
(but you already knew that). The only rule in our house is that you must
taste it once before leaving it alone on the plate (no yelling of YUCK,
please!). I only introduce one new food at a time. If it is rejected, I
rotate that one out for a while, but try it again a month or so later.
Typically, if you don't make a big deal about it, neither will they, and
exposure to a wide variety of foods will eventually yield results in their
willingness to try new ones.

But it will not cure the bird appetite. For that, I just made a mantra of my
mom's words (He will not starve himself he will not starve himself he will
not starve himself He'll eat when he's ready he'll eat when he's ready...)
:^) Some folks give a multi-vitamin and others don't. Either way, just relax
and try not to...worry :^) If he's truly hungry, he'll let you know, and if
he's running around and active, that hungry time WILL eventually happen :^)

Whoops--just noticed how long this got, sorry! Hope it helps. All the
discussion so far on other topics has been very interesting and helpful to
me. I'm really glad to be here :^)

Peace,
Wynn