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Re: Expensive Games

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In a message dated 11/25/2001 10:14:35 PM Pacific Standard Time, DACunefare@... writes:


What if he was playing chess? (Play along with me here...) ?:)


Uh, Jocelyn and Dan? He could be passionate about, let's just say, uh, HORSES!!!! (Like someone in my family )

When my oldest daughter got interested in clothes -- we had a period of about 6 months where I couldn't stand to take her places with me -- this realization came upon me suddenly one day and I realized that it was because she was constantly asking to buy things. We'd not had that problem before -- but suddenly she wanted a ring or earrings or a sweater or shoes or socks or a hair thing or whatever.... and I was constantly in the position of having to either hand her the money or say no -- and I'd never really felt like that before. It was obvious to me that it was very arbitrary on my part - some days to say, "Sure, buy it," and other days to say, "No, not today." I couldn't possibly buy everything she wanted - she seemed to have suddenly developed a bottomless desire for this type of stuff. But I was having to make decisions FOR HER all the time and that was what was making me miserable. How on earth could I know whether she'd rather have the ring she wanted today or the hair thing she was going to see in another shop the next day. And each of the things she wanted was pretty minimal in cost - it was NEVER true that any one of them would put us in the poor house.

So the obvious solution was to work out a reasonable allowance and then let her make all her OWN decisions. She'd had a "spending money" allowance already - but this involved clothing and I'd always paid for her clothes for her. So we created a "clothing allowance" (we worked together on figuring out what we could afford and what was reasonable) and made it clear that ALL clothing and accessories were now her choice - she could spend that much money any way she wanted. So it was a HUGE relief to me to not have to feel that pressure while were in a store - not have to make split second decisions about whether to say yes or no to something she wanted. It changed our relationship WAY for the better. And I was totally able to let her spend it as she wanted - and, yep, she did have to learn the hard way. But, guess what? She eventually learned to shop at thrift stores and to save her money to spend on things she REALLY wanted more than the trinkets she'd been asking me for all the time.

One last thing. In economics there is a concept of diminishing marginal utility --- this says that when you consume more and more of something you get less and less additional benefit. So if you eat one candy bar, its wonderful. But if someone gives you a second one it might still be good, but not as wonderful as the first one that you just ate. And a third might stll be good, but not as great as the second was. ?I think my daughter began to enjoy her purchases a LOT more once she had a clear budget limit -- each thing she bought became more highly valued. Partly that was because she was putting so much more thought into what she wanted. But partly that was just because she was, really, getting a lot less stuff so that the marginal value was higher - since she had to choose to buy the higher-valued items and then stop buying. Yep. We were spending 1/4 of what we'd been spending before and she was HAPPIER with the purchases.

Since he has an allowance and is spending it all on the gaming stuff, what's the problem? He wants more? So - if his allowance is too small (you could afford to spend more and you do, so he asks), increase it to a reasonable amount - considering what you REALLY can afford to let him spend. If that is really it - then don't feel bad if he can't get everything he wants when he wants it.

And then you can give nice gifts and the kids REALLY enjoy them.

Pam Sorooshian
National Home Education Network ?

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