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A discussion came up on another group about how to indicate disposition of things when one dies. Of course one can make bequests in a will but the discussion about things like jewelry, furniture, collections, was more interesting and it struck me that while we¡¯ve done a good job with our assets - we have wills, living wills, health proxies, POAs, etc. all drawn up, we really have not addressed other things.
In my case, my looms, wheels, espinners, handspun fiber and finished objects, as well as things like Bohus kits are all rather valuable and my collection of books contains a few OOP books. I expect it might all be worth $20K or more including the looms which are probably close to $10K with all their accessories.?
I don¡¯t really want to burden my kids with having to deal with disposition of this stuff and they would have no idea of value anyway. I¡¯m wondering what, if anything, any of you have thought about w.r.t. such things. Have you? What provision have you made, if you¡¯ve thought about it?
One idea I had was to donate all of it to the local spinning guild which includes weavers, spinners, crocheters and knitters. The bequest would say that they could sell the items and use the money for whatever purpose they needed. I¡¯m going to bring it up for discussion next time we meet - as to what any of the others have thought about as some are older than I am.
But I thought I¡¯d ask your opinions here because I¡¯m sure you have as much of these things in value as I have. -- Jaya
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Great discussion idea! I live in a town full of Old Hippy Artists ... and I have been ACTIVELY nudging?them. Having watched several die with no heirs ... is sad no matter which way the "stuff" gets donated. Sedona - across the valley from me is top heavy with wealthy execs who brought piles of "good stuff" from elsewhere. The Facebook market posts from people trying to unload treadle sewing machines and fantastic furniture ... is like watching a slo mo train wreck!
Ack! erica in AZ
On Sat, Aug 14, 2021 at 1:39 PM Jaya Srikrishnan < ermabom@...> wrote: A discussion came up on another group about how to indicate disposition of things when one dies. Of course one can make bequests in a will but the discussion about things like jewelry, furniture, collections, was more interesting and it struck me that while we¡¯ve done a good job with our assets - we have wills, living wills, health proxies, POAs, etc. all drawn up, we really have not addressed other things.
In my case, my looms, wheels, espinners, handspun fiber and finished objects, as well as things like Bohus kits are all rather valuable and my collection of books contains a few OOP books. I expect it might all be worth $20K or more including the looms which are probably close to $10K with all their accessories.?
I don¡¯t really want to burden my kids with having to deal with disposition of this stuff and they would have no idea of value anyway. I¡¯m wondering what, if anything, any of you have thought about w.r.t. such things. Have you? What provision have you made, if you¡¯ve thought about it?
One idea I had was to donate all of it to the local spinning guild which includes weavers, spinners, crocheters and knitters. The bequest would say that they could sell the items and use the money for whatever purpose they needed. I¡¯m going to bring it up for discussion next time we meet - as to what any of the others have thought about as some are older than I am.
But I thought I¡¯d ask your opinions here because I¡¯m sure you have as much of these things in value as I have. --
Jaya
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Jaya,
Excellent question. My two cents, as someone who's been thinking a lot about this stuff as I help my mother deal with the aftermath of my father's death, and help her put things in better order so that things will be easier for me (executor/successor trustee) in the future, is that ANYTHING you can do to make things easier for executors/trustees/heirs is a good thing. With special personal property like the fiber items you're talking about - or my father's books, my parents' artworks, any special collections like that - your idea of leaving those items to something like a guild or local arts center/textile studio would be a help to the executor, and could be welcomed by the donee, but only if you've consulted with the donee first, probably. It could be more of a burden for them than a blessing. If they're open to it, and your heirs don't need sale proceeds, great, you could actually make the gift in your will or trust.
What I think might be even better, though, would be simply to name, in a letter to your executor, a knowledgeable friend who could serve as an advisor about how to dispose of those items - a sort of "fiber executor". You'd want to consult with that person ahead of time, of course. That would preserve all options for the executor or trustee - he/she could ask that person for help. If they were able to help at that point, items could be sold and $$ divided among heirs, and/or donated if heirs agree to that. You could also mention possible donee organizations in a letter like this.
Stuff is such a bother :-(? I'm for Swedish death cleaning.?
-Therese Th¨¦r¨¨se Shere
Freelance indexing & digital information design
On Sat, Aug 14, 2021 at 1:39 PM Jaya Srikrishnan < ermabom@...> wrote: A discussion came up on another group about how to indicate disposition of things when one dies. Of course one can make bequests in a will but the discussion about things like jewelry, furniture, collections, was more interesting and it struck me that while we¡¯ve done a good job with our assets - we have wills, living wills, health proxies, POAs, etc. all drawn up, we really have not addressed other things.
In my case, my looms, wheels, espinners, handspun fiber and finished objects, as well as things like Bohus kits are all rather valuable and my collection of books contains a few OOP books. I expect it might all be worth $20K or more including the looms which are probably close to $10K with all their accessories.?
I don¡¯t really want to burden my kids with having to deal with disposition of this stuff and they would have no idea of value anyway. I¡¯m wondering what, if anything, any of you have thought about w.r.t. such things. Have you? What provision have you made, if you¡¯ve thought about it?
One idea I had was to donate all of it to the local spinning guild which includes weavers, spinners, crocheters and knitters. The bequest would say that they could sell the items and use the money for whatever purpose they needed. I¡¯m going to bring it up for discussion next time we meet - as to what any of the others have thought about as some are older than I am.
But I thought I¡¯d ask your opinions here because I¡¯m sure you have as much of these things in value as I have. --
Jaya
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Therese, I actually had. I had spoken to the owner of my LYS and she had agreed to be the executor. Well, she has sold the LYS and moved to Florida. That is what I'm afraid of if I name a single person. I have no anticipation of needing to do this soon so it has to be something that can be set up with some longevity. I have a friend who would actually be happy at getting some of this stuff because she isn't always able to afford some of it. But her health isn't that great and I don't know if she will outlive me. That is why the thought of the guild came up. I'm going to bring it up as a general discussion item in new business at our next meeting to see what others have thought about.
I am also making a document of the valuable items in the house with photos so the kids can decide if they want them, or if they want to sell them. But this way, they can sell via a higher end auction place and get more money. We have some original artwork that is quite expensive and I just bought a couple more of those paintings last year as the artist was struggling in the pandemic. We have silk embroideries from China made by a tribal community that specializes in them - very fine work. And we have prints that are framed that have very little value. So I want the kids to be able to distinguish between what is valuable and what is not.?
I am still working on disposing of?the rest of my mother's clothing and she died in 2007. It took me a number of trips to India to donate her valuable silk saris. I am still wondering what to do with the ordinary ones she wore around the house. They are in good shape as fabric. I think I may just make them into quilts that we can use by folding them and sewing seams to hold them in place. My siblings just want me to give them to Goodwill or toss them but Goodwill doesn't want sairs. And I don't think it is good for the planet to just toss them.?
I hope we can downsize before we die but we aren't ready to. We are really cutting back on acquiring stuff but we have stuff that we bought that I'm not yet ready to give up and my kids will definitely not want - my dining table set, my china, are two examples.?
I am sorry you are going through this with your mother. It is hard. And I really want to make it easy for my kids.
Jaya,
Excellent question. My two cents, as someone who's been thinking a lot about this stuff as I help my mother deal with the aftermath of my father's death, and help her put things in better order so that things will be easier for me (executor/successor trustee) in the future, is that ANYTHING you can do to make things easier for executors/trustees/heirs is a good thing. With special personal property like the fiber items you're talking about - or my father's books, my parents' artworks, any special collections like that - your idea of leaving those items to something like a guild or local arts center/textile studio would be a help to the executor, and could be welcomed by the donee, but only if you've consulted with the donee first, probably. It could be more of a burden for them than a blessing. If they're open to it, and your heirs don't need sale proceeds, great, you could actually make the gift in your will or trust.
What I think might be even better, though, would be simply to name, in a letter to your executor, a knowledgeable friend who could serve as an advisor about how to dispose of those items - a sort of "fiber executor". You'd want to consult with that person ahead of time, of course. That would preserve all options for the executor or trustee - he/she could ask that person for help. If they were able to help at that point, items could be sold and $$ divided among heirs, and/or donated if heirs agree to that. You could also mention possible donee organizations in a letter like this.
Stuff is such a bother :-(? I'm for Swedish death cleaning.?
-Therese Th¨¦r¨¨se Shere
Freelance indexing & digital information design
On Sat, Aug 14, 2021 at 1:39 PM Jaya Srikrishnan < ermabom@...> wrote: A discussion came up on another group about how to indicate disposition of things when one dies. Of course one can make bequests in a will but the discussion about things like jewelry, furniture, collections, was more interesting and it struck me that while we¡¯ve done a good job with our assets - we have wills, living wills, health proxies, POAs, etc. all drawn up, we really have not addressed other things.
In my case, my looms, wheels, espinners, handspun fiber and finished objects, as well as things like Bohus kits are all rather valuable and my collection of books contains a few OOP books. I expect it might all be worth $20K or more including the looms which are probably close to $10K with all their accessories.?
I don¡¯t really want to burden my kids with having to deal with disposition of this stuff and they would have no idea of value anyway. I¡¯m wondering what, if anything, any of you have thought about w.r.t. such things. Have you? What provision have you made, if you¡¯ve thought about it?
One idea I had was to donate all of it to the local spinning guild which includes weavers, spinners, crocheters and knitters. The bequest would say that they could sell the items and use the money for whatever purpose they needed. I¡¯m going to bring it up for discussion next time we meet - as to what any of the others have thought about as some are older than I am.
But I thought I¡¯d ask your opinions here because I¡¯m sure you have as much of these things in value as I have. --
Jaya
|
This all makes very interesting reading. Sort of relevant to us right now as my mother has had several months of continuous ill health and has just this week relocated to a residential care facility a few minutes¡¯ drive from my house. It felt very odd to pack up her few possessions ¨C she has always lived light ¨C and bring them away from the family home. And odder that my father refuses to join her and insists on staying in their old? home alone. We do have carers for him three times a day as he can¡¯t cook or take his own medication reliably. I¡¯m just relieved to have at least one of them in a safe place. Neither of them has anything of real value, in fact I had to buy Mum some new clothes as she didn¡¯t have enough to cover the exigencies of the communal laundry. ? I, on the other hand, do have quite a bit of stuff and, like many of you, the fibre related items certainly have some value when put together, as do many of my books on all topics. I¡¯ve been thinking I should have some sort of itemisation and relative values. But both my girls do craft as do my nieces so I¡¯m pretty sure anything I don¡¯t get around to using up would go to a good home. ? It¡¯s interesting sending an 84 year old to residential care, a bit like packing up for boarding school or college but including such items as a walking frame! Sadly none of us have the facilities to have her at home with us as her frequent falls mean she has to have 24 hour cover from a team trained to get there fast and pick up with care and attention. She made a very determined choice to relocate as she said she would have a much better quality of life in a purpose designed facility than stuck for ever in the small back bedroom of their own home ¨C which is singularly unsuited to elder citizens living. And so far she loves her tiny private apartment with a falls alarm, good food available at the call of a button, and no household chores ever again! She¡¯s busily re-reading her stash of classic detective novels and looking forward to going out in a wheelchair to see the world again after many months as a shut-in. ? It is making me think, though, that although we hope our turn to ¡°fail¡± will be a long way off one never quite knows and it would be good to have a Plan. ? Your idea of making ?quilts for everyday use from saris sounds a good one Jaya.? ? Jenny ?
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From: [email protected] <[email protected]> On Behalf Of Jaya Srikrishnan
Sent: 15 August 2021 13:28
To: yarnmongers <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: [yarnmongers] Maybe depressing question? I actually had. I had spoken to the owner of my LYS and she had agreed to be the executor. Well, she has sold the LYS and moved to Florida. That is what I'm afraid of if I name a single person. I have no anticipation of needing to do this soon so it has to be something that can be set up with some longevity. I have a friend who would actually be happy at getting some of this stuff because she isn't always able to afford some of it. But her health isn't that great and I don't know if she will outlive me. That is why the thought of the guild came up. I'm going to bring it up as a general discussion item in new business at our next meeting to see what others have thought about. I am also making a document of the valuable items in the house with photos so the kids can decide if they want them, or if they want to sell them. But this way, they can sell via a higher end auction place and get more money. We have some original artwork that is quite expensive and I just bought a couple more of those paintings last year as the artist was struggling in the pandemic. We have silk embroideries from China made by a tribal community that specializes in them - very fine work. And we have prints that are framed that have very little value. So I want the kids to be able to distinguish between what is valuable and what is not.? I am still working on disposing of?the rest of my mother's clothing and she died in 2007. It took me a number of trips to India to donate her valuable silk saris. I am still wondering what to do with the ordinary ones she wore around the house. They are in good shape as fabric. I think I may just make them into quilts that we can use by folding them and sewing seams to hold them in place. My siblings just want me to give them to Goodwill or toss them but Goodwill doesn't want sairs. And I don't think it is good for the planet to just toss them.? I hope we can downsize before we die but we aren't ready to. We are really cutting back on acquiring stuff but we have stuff that we bought that I'm not yet ready to give up and my kids will definitely not want - my dining table set, my china, are two examples.? I am sorry you are going through this with your mother. It is hard. And I really want to make it easy for my kids. Jaya, Excellent question. My two cents, as someone who's been thinking a lot about this stuff as I help my mother deal with the aftermath of my father's death, and help her put things in better order so that things will be easier for me (executor/successor trustee) in the future, is that ANYTHING you can do to make things easier for executors/trustees/heirs is a good thing. With special personal property like the fiber items you're talking about - or my father's books, my parents' artworks, any special collections like that - your idea of leaving those items to something like a guild or local arts center/textile studio would be a help to the executor, and could be welcomed by the donee, but only if you've consulted with the donee first, probably. It could be more of a burden for them than a blessing. If they're open to it, and your heirs don't need sale proceeds, great, you could actually make the gift in your will or trust. What I think might be even better, though, would be simply to name, in a letter to your executor, a knowledgeable friend who could serve as an advisor about how to dispose of those items - a sort of "fiber executor". You'd want to consult with that person ahead of time, of course. That would preserve all options for the executor or trustee - he/she could ask that person for help. If they were able to help at that point, items could be sold and $$ divided among heirs, and/or donated if heirs agree to that. You could also mention possible donee organizations in a letter like this. Stuff is such a bother :-(? I'm for Swedish death cleaning.?
Th¨¦r¨¨se Shere
Freelance indexing & digital information design
? ? On Sat, Aug 14, 2021 at 1:39 PM Jaya Srikrishnan <ermabom@...> wrote: A discussion came up on another group about how to indicate disposition of things when one dies. Of course one can make bequests in a will but the discussion about things like jewelry, furniture, collections, was more interesting and it struck me that while we¡¯ve done a good job with our assets - we have wills, living wills, health proxies, POAs, etc. all drawn up, we really have not addressed other things. In my case, my looms, wheels, espinners, handspun fiber and finished objects, as well as things like Bohus kits are all rather valuable and my collection of books contains a few OOP books. I expect it might all be worth $20K or more including the looms which are probably close to $10K with all their accessories.? I don¡¯t really want to burden my kids with having to deal with disposition of this stuff and they would have no idea of value anyway. I¡¯m wondering what, if anything, any of you have thought about w.r.t. such things. Have you? What provision have you made, if you¡¯ve thought about it? One idea I had was to donate all of it to the local spinning guild which includes weavers, spinners, crocheters and knitters. The bequest would say that they could sell the items and use the money for whatever purpose they needed. I¡¯m going to bring it up for discussion next time we meet - as to what any of the others have thought about as some are older than I am. But I thought I¡¯d ask your opinions here because I¡¯m sure you have as much of these things in value as I have. --
--
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Jenny,? Your mother is wise. As was mine. She forced my dad to move here when he retired, although they were young then because she didn¡¯t want to be in India when they grew old with all of us here.
I¡¯m glad she¡¯s settled in and is enjoying life there. I hope things work out for your father.
A friend of mine - who I used to work with and who was my walking buddy at work for decades - is just moving to a retirement community with her husband this month. They are still relatively young and have no children. They will move into a two bedroom apartment with the option of moving into assisted living and nursing homes as they age. The monthly dues include a certain number of credits towards meals in the dining room and a cleaning service every two weeks for a certain number of hours. They wanted a cottage but one wasn¡¯t available so this is in a building. They get higher priority when a cottage becomes available if they are already living there.
She is a quilter (owned a long arm quilting machine) and sews a lot. She gave away a lot of her stash to the American Sewing Guild chapter here as well as to charity, but is taking the long arm with her as well as some stash. The second bedroom will accommodate it. He is an only child whose parents are no longer alive and she is the eldest of 10 (parents are also deceased) but her relationship with her family is mixed. She is close to a few but not at all with most of them.?
All that, plus the Surfside building collapse in Miami, plus COVID-19, plus the discussion on the other board has suddenly made me focus on this. As I said, all our other affairs are in order and simple for the kids. My hope is that we age out of this house, they get settled in some place, and we are able to downsize and move closer to one or both of them before anything happens to us. But one never knows so it is better to be prepared.
On Sun, Aug 15, 2021 at 11:01 AM Jenny Swanson < jenny@...> wrote: This all makes very interesting reading. Sort of relevant to us right now as my mother has had several months of continuous ill health and has just this week relocated to a residential care facility a few minutes¡¯ drive from my house. It felt very odd to pack up her few possessions ¨C she has always lived light ¨C and bring them away from the family home. And odder that my father refuses to join her and insists on staying in their old? home alone. We do have carers for him three times a day as he can¡¯t cook or take his own medication reliably. I¡¯m just relieved to have at least one of them in a safe place. Neither of them has anything of real value, in fact I had to buy Mum some new clothes as she didn¡¯t have enough to cover the exigencies of the communal laundry. ? I, on the other hand, do have quite a bit of stuff and, like many of you, the fibre related items certainly have some value when put together, as do many of my books on all topics. I¡¯ve been thinking I should have some sort of itemisation and relative values. But both my girls do craft as do my nieces so I¡¯m pretty sure anything I don¡¯t get around to using up would go to a good home. ? It¡¯s interesting sending an 84 year old to residential care, a bit like packing up for boarding school or college but including such items as a walking frame! Sadly none of us have the facilities to have her at home with us as her frequent falls mean she has to have 24 hour cover from a team trained to get there fast and pick up with care and attention. She made a very determined choice to relocate as she said she would have a much better quality of life in a purpose designed facility than stuck for ever in the small back bedroom of their own home ¨C which is singularly unsuited to elder citizens living. And so far she loves her tiny private apartment with a falls alarm, good food available at the call of a button, and no household chores ever again! She¡¯s busily re-reading her stash of classic detective novels and looking forward to going out in a wheelchair to see the world again after many months as a shut-in. ? It is making me think, though, that although we hope our turn to ¡°fail¡± will be a long way off one never quite knows and it would be good to have a Plan. ? Your idea of making ?quilts for everyday use from saris sounds a good one Jaya.? ? Jenny ? ? I actually had. I had spoken to the owner of my LYS and she had agreed to be the executor. Well, she has sold the LYS and moved to Florida. That is what I'm afraid of if I name a single person. I have no anticipation of needing to do this soon so it has to be something that can be set up with some longevity. I have a friend who would actually be happy at getting some of this stuff because she isn't always able to afford some of it. But her health isn't that great and I don't know if she will outlive me. That is why the thought of the guild came up. I'm going to bring it up as a general discussion item in new business at our next meeting to see what others have thought about. I am also making a document of the valuable items in the house with photos so the kids can decide if they want them, or if they want to sell them. But this way, they can sell via a higher end auction place and get more money. We have some original artwork that is quite expensive and I just bought a couple more of those paintings last year as the artist was struggling in the pandemic. We have silk embroideries from China made by a tribal community that specializes in them - very fine work. And we have prints that are framed that have very little value. So I want the kids to be able to distinguish between what is valuable and what is not.? I am still working on disposing of?the rest of my mother's clothing and she died in 2007. It took me a number of trips to India to donate her valuable silk saris. I am still wondering what to do with the ordinary ones she wore around the house. They are in good shape as fabric. I think I may just make them into quilts that we can use by folding them and sewing seams to hold them in place. My siblings just want me to give them to Goodwill or toss them but Goodwill doesn't want sairs. And I don't think it is good for the planet to just toss them.? I hope we can downsize before we die but we aren't ready to. We are really cutting back on acquiring stuff but we have stuff that we bought that I'm not yet ready to give up and my kids will definitely not want - my dining table set, my china, are two examples.? I am sorry you are going through this with your mother. It is hard. And I really want to make it easy for my kids. Jaya, Excellent question. My two cents, as someone who's been thinking a lot about this stuff as I help my mother deal with the aftermath of my father's death, and help her put things in better order so that things will be easier for me (executor/successor trustee) in the future, is that ANYTHING you can do to make things easier for executors/trustees/heirs is a good thing. With special personal property like the fiber items you're talking about - or my father's books, my parents' artworks, any special collections like that - your idea of leaving those items to something like a guild or local arts center/textile studio would be a help to the executor, and could be welcomed by the donee, but only if you've consulted with the donee first, probably. It could be more of a burden for them than a blessing. If they're open to it, and your heirs don't need sale proceeds, great, you could actually make the gift in your will or trust. What I think might be even better, though, would be simply to name, in a letter to your executor, a knowledgeable friend who could serve as an advisor about how to dispose of those items - a sort of "fiber executor". You'd want to consult with that person ahead of time, of course. That would preserve all options for the executor or trustee - he/she could ask that person for help. If they were able to help at that point, items could be sold and $$ divided among heirs, and/or donated if heirs agree to that. You could also mention possible donee organizations in a letter like this. Stuff is such a bother :-(? I'm for Swedish death cleaning.?
Th¨¦r¨¨se Shere
Freelance indexing & digital information design
? ? On Sat, Aug 14, 2021 at 1:39 PM Jaya Srikrishnan <ermabom@...> wrote: A discussion came up on another group about how to indicate disposition of things when one dies. Of course one can make bequests in a will but the discussion about things like jewelry, furniture, collections, was more interesting and it struck me that while we¡¯ve done a good job with our assets - we have wills, living wills, health proxies, POAs, etc. all drawn up, we really have not addressed other things. In my case, my looms, wheels, espinners, handspun fiber and finished objects, as well as things like Bohus kits are all rather valuable and my collection of books contains a few OOP books. I expect it might all be worth $20K or more including the looms which are probably close to $10K with all their accessories.? I don¡¯t really want to burden my kids with having to deal with disposition of this stuff and they would have no idea of value anyway. I¡¯m wondering what, if anything, any of you have thought about w.r.t. such things. Have you? What provision have you made, if you¡¯ve thought about it? One idea I had was to donate all of it to the local spinning guild which includes weavers, spinners, crocheters and knitters. The bequest would say that they could sell the items and use the money for whatever purpose they needed. I¡¯m going to bring it up for discussion next time we meet - as to what any of the others have thought about as some are older than I am. But I thought I¡¯d ask your opinions here because I¡¯m sure you have as much of these things in value as I have. --
--
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It's a good topic to revisit periodically!? I've seen it from a couple of angles in recent history.? The weaving guild I belong to has had a few members pass away.? Most recently one of our elders passed, and she had made her wishes known to her family.? I think she gave away a loom, and probably some other stuff, and she donated much of her stash and her library to the guild.? We have a biannual members auction with donated stuff to support the guild financially, and we did very well that year.? Several guild members were able to help the family in getting things to the right place.
As a guild, we are sometimes contacted when people have stuff they don't know how to dispose of - we recently had contact from a person with a loom that they wanted to donate to us, but we have no place to store looms, and it wasn't in the best of repair, so probably wouldn't sell quickly.? I think we turned that down and suggested a local arts organization that may have space.? If you are planning to donate to a group, it is probably best to make sure they want your donation!
I have an informal pact with a few of my weaving and knitting buddies that whoever is left can help guide stash & equipment disposal.? A couple of them are younger than me, so I'm hoping they outlast me!? One of my knitting pals gave away a *lot* of stash when she downsized and moved to an assisted living place.? She got to see people she liked get excited about her treasures, and we all donated to a local charity in return. ?
I am facing this in the somewhat near future with my Mom, who still lives in the big house with a bit of stuff.? I thought to start cleaning some stuff out a couple of years ago, but it upset her, so I'm leaving it all for later.? Fortunately, I'll have help from the rest of the family (at least I'm hoping so!).
Diane
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I have offered and offered my ¡°stuff¡± to my kids. They really aren¡¯t interested in the crystal or the good china, or any of the furniture (some of which was /is somewhat valuable). In fact, Older Kid (the DC guy) and his SO just bought a house together. Announced last week that they sold their dining table because ¡°it get used about 20 minutes a day¡± and switched to TV tray sort of eating arrangement. . .(does this sound like a step back to earlier times??) ? As far as my crafting stuff goes, I am at a loss. I¡¯m refusing to buy any supplies (as much as possible) and using my stash as fast as I can. No one nearby that I think would want it. Younger Son is our executor. ? I¡¯m doing the death purge with non-craft stuff. ? Ann in PA ?
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From: [email protected] < [email protected]> On Behalf Of Diane via groups.io Sent: Sunday, August 15, 2021 2:08 PM To: [email protected]Subject: Re: [yarnmongers] Maybe depressing question ? It's a good topic to revisit periodically!? I've seen it from a couple of angles in recent history.? The weaving guild I belong to has had a few members pass away.? Most recently one of our elders passed, and she had made her wishes known to her family.? I think she gave away a loom, and probably some other stuff, and she donated much of her stash and her library to the guild.? We have a biannual members auction with donated stuff to support the guild financially, and we did very well that year.? Several guild members were able to help the family in getting things to the right place.
As a guild, we are sometimes contacted when people have stuff they don't know how to dispose of - we recently had contact from a person with a loom that they wanted to donate to us, but we have no place to store looms, and it wasn't in the best of repair, so probably wouldn't sell quickly.? I think we turned that down and suggested a local arts organization that may have space.? If you are planning to donate to a group, it is probably best to make sure they want your donation!
I have an informal pact with a few of my weaving and knitting buddies that whoever is left can help guide stash & equipment disposal.? A couple of them are younger than me, so I'm hoping they outlast me!? One of my knitting pals gave away a *lot* of stash when she downsized and moved to an assisted living place.? She got to see people she liked get excited about her treasures, and we all donated to a local charity in return. ?
I am facing this in the somewhat near future with my Mom, who still lives in the big house with a bit of stuff.? I thought to start cleaning some stuff out a couple of years ago, but it upset her, so I'm leaving it all for later.? Fortunately, I'll have help from the rest of the family (at least I'm hoping so!).
Diane
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Ann,?
I my thinking has evolved to align more with your position on our valued possessions.? I've acquired a number of items of great value to me that have cost me a good bit of money.? I have enjoyed them all, but I recognize that they are tools for what many regard as arcane hobbies.?
Fine harmonicas, luthier made ukuleles, big computerized sewing equipment,? spinning wheel, and expensive hand made needle sets, not to mention the expensive yarns kitted up and my craft library of rare books.? Yeah, it's a lot.? Add to that, my husband is known for making 18th century reproduction furniture - who wants "brown furniture" right now?? Almost no one, even if the builder has a good reputation!
I also know that my son and daughter in law have zero interest in? these things.? I don't fault them for that in the least.? I kind of like the fact that they have their own interests and tastes.
I also know that when I'm dead, I'm dead.? I'm pretty philosophical about what happens to the things I've enjoyed during my life.? Once I'm gone, I will no longer be concerned about these valuable items, and I know just how easy it is to dispose of them.? For me, that's what an estate sale or auction is for and my children know that.? I did this with my parents' estate and it was no problem at all.
I've given away some sewing machines to people who will use them and needed them.? I'll probably do this with other things too, but I know it won't be enough to dispose of everything.
When I go, it's all theirs.? They can keep what they wish and dispose of the rest without much trouble.? They are secure in their careers and won't need the $$$ from these bits and bobs.?
I also know that if and when these things are sold, they can donate the funds generated to charity or keep the money: their choice.? I also know whomever acquires these items for a song will cherish them, and that alone makes me happy.? I kind of like the idea of someone finding a steal deal of one of my musical instruments, an instrument they could never have purchased without finding it in an estate sale.
All the other ideas expressed here are wonderful too, but as a lawyer who has handled estates,? I'm most comfortable with having my estate matters and disposition of items as simple as possible.
Mary.
|
Mary, Ann, I too have no sentimental need for my kids to keep any of the things that I have either made or owned. What I want is for them to have it easy when I die. I don¡¯t want them to have to try to figure out what to do with the stuff. I also want them to know which things belonged to their grandparents and great-grandparent so that they can keep them if they wish to.?
I have decided to start a document with photos of each item that I think is either valuable - either monetary or sentimental and leave that as information for them. None of this is related to craft stuff.?
I am going to make plans for the craft stuff separately and just leave instructions on what to do with it.?
What they do with the stuff is up to them but I don¡¯t want to leave them with work to do.?
Ann,?
I my thinking has evolved to align more with your position on our valued possessions.? I've acquired a number of items of great value to me that have cost me a good bit of money.? I have enjoyed them all, but I recognize that they are tools for what many regard as arcane hobbies.?
Fine harmonicas, luthier made ukuleles, big computerized sewing equipment,? spinning wheel, and expensive hand made needle sets, not to mention the expensive yarns kitted up and my craft library of rare books.? Yeah, it's a lot.? Add to that, my husband is known for making 18th century reproduction furniture - who wants "brown furniture" right now?? Almost no one, even if the builder has a good reputation!
I also know that my son and daughter in law have zero interest in? these things.? I don't fault them for that in the least.? I kind of like the fact that they have their own interests and tastes.
I also know that when I'm dead, I'm dead.? I'm pretty philosophical about what happens to the things I've enjoyed during my life.? Once I'm gone, I will no longer be concerned about these valuable items, and I know just how easy it is to dispose of them.? For me, that's what an estate sale or auction is for and my children know that.? I did this with my parents' estate and it was no problem at all.
I've given away some sewing machines to people who will use them and needed them.? I'll probably do this with other things too, but I know it won't be enough to dispose of everything.
When I go, it's all theirs.? They can keep what they wish and dispose of the rest without much trouble.? They are secure in their careers and won't need the $$$ from these bits and bobs.?
I also know that if and when these things are sold, they can donate the funds generated to charity or keep the money: their choice.? I also know whomever acquires these items for a song will cherish them, and that alone makes me happy.? I kind of like the idea of someone finding a steal deal of one of my musical instruments, an instrument they could never have purchased without finding it in an estate sale.
All the other ideas expressed here are wonderful too, but as a lawyer who has handled estates,? I'm most comfortable with having my estate matters and disposition of items as simple as possible.
Mary.
|
Mary, that's exactly what I meant by preserving maximum flexibility for executors.? Thinking ahead to my someday-duties, what I'd want is to be as free as possible to do whatever was simplest/made the most sense, and have the fewest possible beneficiaries to deal with. I'm glad to hear your estate sale experience was good. Think there's one or more of those in my future, down the road somewhere.
I'm focused now, with my mom, not on actually deciding how to distribute her things, but on making sure we know what she actually has and how much it's worth, and making sure she's properly insured (because, you know, wildfires). That in itself isn't easy! After my dad died in December, we kept discovering yet more financial accounts my mother didn't know about/had forgotten about. Most of them tiny, but still had to be dealt with. I'd asked my dad to make a list of everything, and he supposedly had, but quite a few accounts hadn't made it onto that list.
Also Jaya, I agree that it's important to know the stories of objects that have particular significance or history. A story might make the difference between a younger family member wanting something or not. Stories like that meant a lot to my dad - for instance, there's a little antique armoire that his grandfather brought home from China in 1922. He wanted us to know that, and hoped it would eventually stay with one of us.
-Therese Th¨¦r¨¨se Shere
Freelance indexing & digital information design
Ann,?
I my thinking has evolved to align more with your position on our valued possessions.? I've acquired a number of items of great value to me that have cost me a good bit of money.? I have enjoyed them all, but I recognize that they are tools for what many regard as arcane hobbies.?
Fine harmonicas, luthier made ukuleles, big computerized sewing equipment,? spinning wheel, and expensive hand made needle sets, not to mention the expensive yarns kitted up and my craft library of rare books.? Yeah, it's a lot.? Add to that, my husband is known for making 18th century reproduction furniture - who wants "brown furniture" right now?? Almost no one, even if the builder has a good reputation!
I also know that my son and daughter in law have zero interest in? these things.? I don't fault them for that in the least.? I kind of like the fact that they have their own interests and tastes.
I also know that when I'm dead, I'm dead.? I'm pretty philosophical about what happens to the things I've enjoyed during my life.? Once I'm gone, I will no longer be concerned about these valuable items, and I know just how easy it is to dispose of them.? For me, that's what an estate sale or auction is for and my children know that.? I did this with my parents' estate and it was no problem at all.
I've given away some sewing machines to people who will use them and needed them.? I'll probably do this with other things too, but I know it won't be enough to dispose of everything.
When I go, it's all theirs.? They can keep what they wish and dispose of the rest without much trouble.? They are secure in their careers and won't need the $$$ from these bits and bobs.?
I also know that if and when these things are sold, they can donate the funds generated to charity or keep the money: their choice.? I also know whomever acquires these items for a song will cherish them, and that alone makes me happy.? I kind of like the idea of someone finding a steal deal of one of my musical instruments, an instrument they could never have purchased without finding it in an estate sale.
All the other ideas expressed here are wonderful too, but as a lawyer who has handled estates,? I'm most comfortable with having my estate matters and disposition of items as simple as possible.
Mary.
|
May I add something that will really help your loved ones should something happen to you??
Use a password manager (1Password, LastPass, Bitwarden, others) to store your online passwords and write down your master password and the passcodes to your devices - your computer¡¯s login password, your phone¡¯s passcode. Remember they can¡¯t unlock any of this without your passwords.
And yes, if you have a list of accounts, you can send them death certificates and get assets transferred per wills. But if you have a stroke or are disabled in some other way, you may need one of them to operate your accounts.?
Plus your contacts and other information are on there and they would need that to let people know.?
Without this, your devices are just paperweights.?
Mary, that's exactly what I meant by preserving maximum flexibility for executors.? Thinking ahead to my someday-duties, what I'd want is to be as free as possible to do whatever was simplest/made the most sense, and have the fewest possible beneficiaries to deal with. I'm glad to hear your estate sale experience was good. Think there's one or more of those in my future, down the road somewhere.
I'm focused now, with my mom, not on actually deciding how to distribute her things, but on making sure we know what she actually has and how much it's worth, and making sure she's properly insured (because, you know, wildfires). That in itself isn't easy! After my dad died in December, we kept discovering yet more financial accounts my mother didn't know about/had forgotten about. Most of them tiny, but still had to be dealt with. I'd asked my dad to make a list of everything, and he supposedly had, but quite a few accounts hadn't made it onto that list.
Also Jaya, I agree that it's important to know the stories of objects that have particular significance or history. A story might make the difference between a younger family member wanting something or not. Stories like that meant a lot to my dad - for instance, there's a little antique armoire that his grandfather brought home from China in 1922. He wanted us to know that, and hoped it would eventually stay with one of us.
-Therese Th¨¦r¨¨se Shere
Freelance indexing & digital information design
Ann,?
I my thinking has evolved to align more with your position on our valued possessions.? I've acquired a number of items of great value to me that have cost me a good bit of money.? I have enjoyed them all, but I recognize that they are tools for what many regard as arcane hobbies.?
Fine harmonicas, luthier made ukuleles, big computerized sewing equipment,? spinning wheel, and expensive hand made needle sets, not to mention the expensive yarns kitted up and my craft library of rare books.? Yeah, it's a lot.? Add to that, my husband is known for making 18th century reproduction furniture - who wants "brown furniture" right now?? Almost no one, even if the builder has a good reputation!
I also know that my son and daughter in law have zero interest in? these things.? I don't fault them for that in the least.? I kind of like the fact that they have their own interests and tastes.
I also know that when I'm dead, I'm dead.? I'm pretty philosophical about what happens to the things I've enjoyed during my life.? Once I'm gone, I will no longer be concerned about these valuable items, and I know just how easy it is to dispose of them.? For me, that's what an estate sale or auction is for and my children know that.? I did this with my parents' estate and it was no problem at all.
I've given away some sewing machines to people who will use them and needed them.? I'll probably do this with other things too, but I know it won't be enough to dispose of everything.
When I go, it's all theirs.? They can keep what they wish and dispose of the rest without much trouble.? They are secure in their careers and won't need the $$$ from these bits and bobs.?
I also know that if and when these things are sold, they can donate the funds generated to charity or keep the money: their choice.? I also know whomever acquires these items for a song will cherish them, and that alone makes me happy.? I kind of like the idea of someone finding a steal deal of one of my musical instruments, an instrument they could never have purchased without finding it in an estate sale.
All the other ideas expressed here are wonderful too, but as a lawyer who has handled estates,? I'm most comfortable with having my estate matters and disposition of items as simple as possible.
Mary.
|
Oh yes, amen to that! My dad used a password manager, thankfully, and I'm *trying* to get my mother (and Eric, for that matter) to do the same - without success, so far. My mother handwrites hers in a tiny paper memo book, crosses them out, updates them...yikes. It'll be a mess. I'm asking her for the important ones, including device passcodes, and putting them in a folder in my own password manager, but still.
Th¨¦r¨¨se Shere
Freelance indexing & digital information design
On Mon, Aug 16, 2021 at 1:11 PM Jaya Srikrishnan < ermabom@...> wrote: May I add something that will really help your loved ones should something happen to you??
Use a password manager (1Password, LastPass, Bitwarden, others) to store your online passwords and write down your master password and the passcodes to your devices - your computer¡¯s login password, your phone¡¯s passcode. Remember they can¡¯t unlock any of this without your passwords.
And yes, if you have a list of accounts, you can send them death certificates and get assets transferred per wills. But if you have a stroke or are disabled in some other way, you may need one of them to operate your accounts.?
Plus your contacts and other information are on there and they would need that to let people know.?
Without this, your devices are just paperweights.? Mary, that's exactly what I meant by preserving maximum flexibility for executors.? Thinking ahead to my someday-duties, what I'd want is to be as free as possible to do whatever was simplest/made the most sense, and have the fewest possible beneficiaries to deal with. I'm glad to hear your estate sale experience was good. Think there's one or more of those in my future, down the road somewhere.
I'm focused now, with my mom, not on actually deciding how to distribute her things, but on making sure we know what she actually has and how much it's worth, and making sure she's properly insured (because, you know, wildfires). That in itself isn't easy! After my dad died in December, we kept discovering yet more financial accounts my mother didn't know about/had forgotten about. Most of them tiny, but still had to be dealt with. I'd asked my dad to make a list of everything, and he supposedly had, but quite a few accounts hadn't made it onto that list.
Also Jaya, I agree that it's important to know the stories of objects that have particular significance or history. A story might make the difference between a younger family member wanting something or not. Stories like that meant a lot to my dad - for instance, there's a little antique armoire that his grandfather brought home from China in 1922. He wanted us to know that, and hoped it would eventually stay with one of us.
-Therese Th¨¦r¨¨se Shere
Freelance indexing & digital information design
Ann,?
I my thinking has evolved to align more with your position on our valued possessions.? I've acquired a number of items of great value to me that have cost me a good bit of money.? I have enjoyed them all, but I recognize that they are tools for what many regard as arcane hobbies.?
Fine harmonicas, luthier made ukuleles, big computerized sewing equipment,? spinning wheel, and expensive hand made needle sets, not to mention the expensive yarns kitted up and my craft library of rare books.? Yeah, it's a lot.? Add to that, my husband is known for making 18th century reproduction furniture - who wants "brown furniture" right now?? Almost no one, even if the builder has a good reputation!
I also know that my son and daughter in law have zero interest in? these things.? I don't fault them for that in the least.? I kind of like the fact that they have their own interests and tastes.
I also know that when I'm dead, I'm dead.? I'm pretty philosophical about what happens to the things I've enjoyed during my life.? Once I'm gone, I will no longer be concerned about these valuable items, and I know just how easy it is to dispose of them.? For me, that's what an estate sale or auction is for and my children know that.? I did this with my parents' estate and it was no problem at all.
I've given away some sewing machines to people who will use them and needed them.? I'll probably do this with other things too, but I know it won't be enough to dispose of everything.
When I go, it's all theirs.? They can keep what they wish and dispose of the rest without much trouble.? They are secure in their careers and won't need the $$$ from these bits and bobs.?
I also know that if and when these things are sold, they can donate the funds generated to charity or keep the money: their choice.? I also know whomever acquires these items for a song will cherish them, and that alone makes me happy.? I kind of like the idea of someone finding a steal deal of one of my musical instruments, an instrument they could never have purchased without finding it in an estate sale.
All the other ideas expressed here are wonderful too, but as a lawyer who has handled estates,? I'm most comfortable with having my estate matters and disposition of items as simple as possible.
Mary.
Jaya
|
Therese, I am trying to get my father to write his down in a book. They are on pieces of paper in his desk, but at least all in a pile. He says he has but he just asked me (from my brother¡¯s house where¡¯s he staying right now) to find one and send it to him.?
Krish puts them in as contacts but without his phone passcode, accessing the contacts is impossible. I just bought a small notebook and I¡¯m going to make him write down his device passcodes in there. The kids know I have a notebook in my underwear drawer with this info but he has misplaced it when I asked him to write down his device passcode earlier.?
Krish and I both had fingerprint access to each other¡¯s phones but our new ones don¡¯t have fingerprint access and only one face can be recognized. So the passcode is more important.
Oh yes, amen to that! My dad used a password manager, thankfully, and I'm *trying* to get my mother (and Eric, for that matter) to do the same - without success, so far. My mother handwrites hers in a tiny paper memo book, crosses them out, updates them...yikes. It'll be a mess. I'm asking her for the important ones, including device passcodes, and putting them in a folder in my own password manager, but still.
Th¨¦r¨¨se Shere
Freelance indexing & digital information design
On Mon, Aug 16, 2021 at 1:11 PM Jaya Srikrishnan < ermabom@...> wrote: May I add something that will really help your loved ones should something happen to you??
Use a password manager (1Password, LastPass, Bitwarden, others) to store your online passwords and write down your master password and the passcodes to your devices - your computer¡¯s login password, your phone¡¯s passcode. Remember they can¡¯t unlock any of this without your passwords.
And yes, if you have a list of accounts, you can send them death certificates and get assets transferred per wills. But if you have a stroke or are disabled in some other way, you may need one of them to operate your accounts.?
Plus your contacts and other information are on there and they would need that to let people know.?
Without this, your devices are just paperweights.? Mary, that's exactly what I meant by preserving maximum flexibility for executors.? Thinking ahead to my someday-duties, what I'd want is to be as free as possible to do whatever was simplest/made the most sense, and have the fewest possible beneficiaries to deal with. I'm glad to hear your estate sale experience was good. Think there's one or more of those in my future, down the road somewhere.
I'm focused now, with my mom, not on actually deciding how to distribute her things, but on making sure we know what she actually has and how much it's worth, and making sure she's properly insured (because, you know, wildfires). That in itself isn't easy! After my dad died in December, we kept discovering yet more financial accounts my mother didn't know about/had forgotten about. Most of them tiny, but still had to be dealt with. I'd asked my dad to make a list of everything, and he supposedly had, but quite a few accounts hadn't made it onto that list.
Also Jaya, I agree that it's important to know the stories of objects that have particular significance or history. A story might make the difference between a younger family member wanting something or not. Stories like that meant a lot to my dad - for instance, there's a little antique armoire that his grandfather brought home from China in 1922. He wanted us to know that, and hoped it would eventually stay with one of us.
-Therese Th¨¦r¨¨se Shere
Freelance indexing & digital information design
Ann,?
I my thinking has evolved to align more with your position on our valued possessions.? I've acquired a number of items of great value to me that have cost me a good bit of money.? I have enjoyed them all, but I recognize that they are tools for what many regard as arcane hobbies.?
Fine harmonicas, luthier made ukuleles, big computerized sewing equipment,? spinning wheel, and expensive hand made needle sets, not to mention the expensive yarns kitted up and my craft library of rare books.? Yeah, it's a lot.? Add to that, my husband is known for making 18th century reproduction furniture - who wants "brown furniture" right now?? Almost no one, even if the builder has a good reputation!
I also know that my son and daughter in law have zero interest in? these things.? I don't fault them for that in the least.? I kind of like the fact that they have their own interests and tastes.
I also know that when I'm dead, I'm dead.? I'm pretty philosophical about what happens to the things I've enjoyed during my life.? Once I'm gone, I will no longer be concerned about these valuable items, and I know just how easy it is to dispose of them.? For me, that's what an estate sale or auction is for and my children know that.? I did this with my parents' estate and it was no problem at all.
I've given away some sewing machines to people who will use them and needed them.? I'll probably do this with other things too, but I know it won't be enough to dispose of everything.
When I go, it's all theirs.? They can keep what they wish and dispose of the rest without much trouble.? They are secure in their careers and won't need the $$$ from these bits and bobs.?
I also know that if and when these things are sold, they can donate the funds generated to charity or keep the money: their choice.? I also know whomever acquires these items for a song will cherish them, and that alone makes me happy.? I kind of like the idea of someone finding a steal deal of one of my musical instruments, an instrument they could never have purchased without finding it in an estate sale.
All the other ideas expressed here are wonderful too, but as a lawyer who has handled estates,? I'm most comfortable with having my estate matters and disposition of items as simple as possible.
Mary.
|
Oh,? you all bring up such an important point about passwords.? Yikes, that's a rat's nest of problems.
One other thing.? When Mom and Dad were in their last 10 years (age 80 or so),? I urged each of them to execute a Power of Attorney, so that their designee could legitimately pay bills and conduct necessary business.? We were lucky b/c everyone was on the same page and they trusted that my sister and I would act to protect them.
All I can say is that it really came in handy, especially when Dad was widowed and had reached 100.? It made life much easier for him and for me.? I kept a scan of it with me at all times and I was amazed how often I needed it.
My heart goes out to all of you who are dealing with aging parents.? I miss my Dad every day, but I do not miss the stress of getting everything organized and helping him transition into his final years.
Mary.
Mary.
|
My dad and I are joint on his account here and his investment account with my brother is also joint. However, he has an account in India where his pension goes into and that is going to be a bear to fix. Jt. accounts are not allowed in India.?
So we will have to go to his accountant (who files his taxes there) and ask him to do the paperwork - with the death certificate in hand. I suspect someone will have to go to India to take care of it.
Oh,? you all bring up such an important point about passwords.? Yikes, that's a rat's nest of problems.
One other thing.? When Mom and Dad were in their last 10 years (age 80 or so),? I urged each of them to execute a Power of Attorney, so that their designee could legitimately pay bills and conduct necessary business.? We were lucky b/c everyone was on the same page and they trusted that my sister and I would act to protect them.
All I can say is that it really came in handy, especially when Dad was widowed and had reached 100.? It made life much easier for him and for me.? I kept a scan of it with me at all times and I was amazed how often I needed it.
My heart goes out to all of you who are dealing with aging parents.? I miss my Dad every day, but I do not miss the stress of getting everything organized and helping him transition into his final years.
Mary.
Mary.
|
ETA: for our kids, we have set up trusts. Each of us has one with the other as jt. trustee. PoAs, living wills, health proxies, all set up with each other. If something happens to one of us, the other has the right to accept or not some percentage of the deceased person's trust. The rest goes automatically to the kids. Everything is now in the name of the trusts except for our cars. That should all be relatively simple for both the living spouse and the kids.?
On Tue, Aug 17, 2021 at 9:38 AM Jaya < ermabom@...> wrote: My dad and I are joint on his account here and his investment account with my brother is also joint. However, he has an account in India where his pension goes into and that is going to be a bear to fix. Jt. accounts are not allowed in India.?
So we will have to go to his accountant (who files his taxes there) and ask him to do the paperwork - with the death certificate in hand. I suspect someone will have to go to India to take care of it.
Oh,? you all bring up such an important point about passwords.? Yikes, that's a rat's nest of problems.
One other thing.? When Mom and Dad were in their last 10 years (age 80 or so),? I urged each of them to execute a Power of Attorney, so that their designee could legitimately pay bills and conduct necessary business.? We were lucky b/c everyone was on the same page and they trusted that my sister and I would act to protect them.
All I can say is that it really came in handy, especially when Dad was widowed and had reached 100.? It made life much easier for him and for me.? I kept a scan of it with me at all times and I was amazed how often I needed it.
My heart goes out to all of you who are dealing with aging parents.? I miss my Dad every day, but I do not miss the stress of getting everything organized and helping him transition into his final years.
Mary.
Mary.
--
Jaya
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erica