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Re: Will you please help?
Teenagers seem to need to assert their place in the World.? Sometimes that looks like rejection to parents.? It's not.? Remembering that helped me navigate those couple of trickier years when Ethan seemed to need to contradict almost everything I said or did.? Instead of seeing it as him rejecting me or my ideas, I came to see our?interactions as an opportunity to support him learning to assert himself with someone he trusted.? Who better to do that with?? What did that look like? When he made an argument for something, if I could, I incorporated his ideas into whatever the plan was, even when I didn't agree with it.? If it didn't hurt anything, I did my best to make it work.? If it didn't work out, I didn't say, "I told you so."? I let him come to his own conclusions, which he normally did with humility and a greater understanding of whatever it was. When he argued with me, I learned to see it not so much as conflict, but as an opportunity for him to make his point heard.? I wrote about that here: I admit it was hard for me, but I gave him space.? I recognized that he was growing up and he needed to redefine his relationship with me.? I made room for him to do that.? I trusted that he would find something that worked well for him.? I trusted that I could make it work well for me too.? I have often said that I believe reincarnation is for the living.? I, personally, have lived many lives within this one life I've been given.? I've been so fortunate to have had the freedom to grow and change and be who I needed to be at each stage of my life.? Some of the Me's I've liked better than others.? ;)? I've learned a little something from each one.? I look forward to meeting more. Our kids need room to explore who they are in each phase of their lives too.? More and more, as the years pass, we come to understand that they are very much their?own people.? When we see them and support them all along the way, they grow with confidence and with a clearer sense of where they want to go next.? That we get to play such an influential role in that growth is a true privilege and gift.? I find it helps to remember that too. What do you want your son to remember about this time in his life?? Maybe a failed wall will nurture?a brilliant engineer.? Maybe a poorly trimmed tree will aid in the learning of a budding botanist.? Maybe a healthy, fruitful debate with the person most important in his life will foster a caring, compassionate husband/father/friend years down the road. Keep your vision on the horizon.? Sometimes it helps to think about where you want to go, when you are trying to navigate where you are in any?moment. Oh, and I agree with Sandra!? Put a lidded bin on the balcony for him.? It won't last forever.? You can remove it when he's gone.? Make it easier for him to succeed when you can. Karen James?? On Thu, Aug 25, 2022 at 11:48 AM Sandra Dodd <aelflaed@...> wrote:
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